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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26694118">We Could Be Friends, But I'd Be Faking It</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofbeingweightless/pseuds/ofbeingweightless'>ofbeingweightless</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining Kozume Kenma, Rated teen for language, Songfic, but you don't know about it, not really too much angst, possibly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:48:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,393</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26694118</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofbeingweightless/pseuds/ofbeingweightless</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Kuroo would never feel the same. How could he? Kenma is sure he’s straight, he’s heard him talk about girls, and seen him staring at them enough to know that. Isn’t that like, the first rule of being gay? Don’t fall in love with a straight boy. Yet here he is. Is he in love with Kuroo? Perhaps."</p><p> </p><p>Songfic based off of "We Could Be Friends" by Goldwoman</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>203</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>We Could Be Friends, But I'd Be Faking It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title and lyrics used in the story are from the song "We Could Be Friends" by Goldwoman. I highly recommend listening to this song and to her other music, it's so good. The lyrics are pretty significant to what happens in that section of the story, so definitely pay attention to them. I thought about this every time I listened to that song so I finally just had to write it down. This is my first fic, and I really hope you guys like it!!! </p><p>This definitely isn't perfect, and I was so impatient to read it that I didn't end up having my friend beta read it, so take that as you will. </p><p>I would love to hear feedback from you, so please leave a comment if you want &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>_</p><p>
  <em> “The sun sets on your neck, my face turns sour. Bruises on my heart, how could you break me at this hour?” </em>
</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>It’s spring. </p><p>Kozume Kenma is fifteen and nearing the end of his first year of high school. He glances up from the game he’s playing and sees that he’s gotten a bit behind Kuroo and his friends while they walk in front of him. Thinking on it, Kenma supposes the other boys on his and Kuroo’s volleyball team have slowly become not just Kuroo’s friends, but Kenma’s as well. They’re a bit loud, and they can be overwhelming sometimes, but they’re also kind, and they care about Kenma. He wonders when he grew to like them all so much.</p><p>Kenma looks at Kuroo in the setting sunlight as he throws his head back and laughs at something ridiculous Yaku had just said. Kenma loves to see Kuroo happy, and he’s not sure if he’s ever seen him look any happier than he does right now, walking down the sidewalk with their friends. He looks beautiful.</p><p>Kenma feels his face heat up slowly, and there’s a sinking feeling in his stomach as he processes his thoughts. He feels a Kuroo sized fist clench around his heart. When did he start thinking about Kuroo in that way? He supposes this wasn’t the first time, maybe just the first time he’s let himself dwell on it. It’s no surprise to Kenma that he’s thinking this way about a boy, luckily, he’s already gotten through the crisis of being gay, he’s not sure he could’ve handled that and his newfound feelings for Kuroo at the same time. Kenma supposes it’s rather hopeless, liking Kuroo in this way, but it doesn’t seem like he can help it. He feels the ache in his chest grow. </p><p>Kuroo would never feel the same. How could he? Kenma is sure he’s straight, he’s heard him talk about girls, and seen him staring at them enough to know <em> that </em>. Isn’t that like, the first rule of being gay? Don’t fall in love with a straight boy. Yet here he is. Is he in love with Kuroo? Perhaps. It’s a little soon to tell, he thinks, but he knows that the feelings he’s realized are strong, strong enough to stop him in his tracks instead of trying to catch up with his friends. Kuroo glances back at him, and then he stops as well.</p><p>“Kenma! C’mon, stop playing your game and walk with us,”</p><p>Kenma, still in a bit of a daze, couldn’t stop himself from taking a minute to look at Kuroo as he smiled at him, waiting for him to catch up. The sun behind him makes it look like he’s glowing, almost angelic. His large grin softens a bit as he sees Kenma, still standing in the same place on the sidewalk.</p><p>“Kenma, are you alright?” </p><p>Kuroo looks slightly concerned now, and Kenma snaps out of whatever trance he’d been in and moves to stand next to Kuroo, who throws his arm around his shoulders as they continue walking, both of them now a little ways behind the rest of the group.</p><p>“Sorry Kuroo, I’m fine.”</p><p>“No need to apologize.”</p><p>Kuroo continued to babble on, not really expecting Kenma to actively participate in the conversation, though Kenma appreciated him slowing down to walk with him. Thinking about it just made his heart hurt even more. As he walked, side by side with Kuroo, he kept his eyes on the ground, unable to turn and look him in the eye, knowing what he’d just discovered about his feelings for his best friend. What on earth was he going to do? Well, Kuroo will never know, so it shouldn’t be a problem.</p><p> </p><p>_</p><p>
  <em>“The phone it rings, I said ‘please hold,’ ”</em>
</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you,” Kuroo turned to Kenma, looking surprised that he was being so honest.</p><p>“You’re gonna be fine Kenma, I know it, and so do you. Nekoma is gonna be amazing with you as captain, everyone trusts you, and knows that you’ll do what’s best for the team.”</p><p>“I wasn’t talking about volleyball.”</p><p>Kenma lifted his head to look up at the sky, which is glittering with billions of stars. They’re sitting on Kenmas roof like they always did when they were younger. They’d climbed out of Kenma’s bedroom window with a few blankets, and Kenma found himself wishing that time would stop, or slow down a bit at the very least. As they both got into high school and got more serious about volleyball, they’d been so busy that they rarely had time to hang out like this, just the two of them. Not that Kenma was unhappy. He loved his other friends, and had even grown to love playing volleyball; but without Kuroo there playing with him, what was the point? Kuroo was the only reason he even played volleyball, and now it almost seems meaningless. </p><p>Even just being at home without knowing that Kuroo was probably lying in his room in the house next door seemed somehow, sadder. He’d been comforted for years knowing that if either of them ever needed to talk, all they had to do was climb in through the other's window and wake them up. Sometimes Kuroo wouldn’t even want to talk, he’d just come in and lay in bed next to Kenma, who was none the wiser until they both woke up the next morning. It was things like <em> this </em> that Kenma didn’t know what to do without. Sure, he could call Kuroo whenever he wanted, but how could he be sure he wasn’t busy? Or if he was asleep, there’s no way the phone ringing would ever wake him up, Kuroo slept like the dead. Kuroo seemed to understand what he meant, because his expression turned softer, a bit sadder. </p><p>“I know. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do either, but I know I can call you anytime. Plus, it’s only a two hour train ride, I can come visit all the time.”</p><p>Kenma sighs, “I know, but it’s gonna be so different. <em> Everything’s </em> gonna be so different. Even just walking to school is gonna be boring now.”</p><p>“Maybe it’ll be different, but does that always mean it’s bad? We had a conversation almost just like this one when I was graduating from middle school, and everything worked out just fine. We’re still together, aren’t we?”</p><p>Laying on his back to get a more comfortable view of the stars, Kenma considered this. It’s true, three years ago he and Kuroo had been sitting in this exact spot, talking about something very similar. But for all the similarities, there are just as many differences, and those differences were drastic. When Kuroo graduated from middle school, he wasn’t moving away to a place where Kenma couldn’t be with him every day. When Kuroo graduated from middle school, Kenma wasn’t in love with him. Or maybe he was, and he just didn’t know it yet. Looking back on that summer afternoon last year, it seems like he’d had romantic feelings for Kuroo long before he let himself name them. Kenma finally turns to look at Kuroo, hoping his face isn’t giving too much away.</p><p>“But Tetsu,” he began “I can’t even remember a time before we were friends, I don’t know what I’d do if we weren’t anymore.” </p><p>Kuroo leaned back so he was next to Kenma, moving so his head rested on the smaller boy's shoulder. Kenma couldn’t see his face anymore, but when Kuroo opened his mouth he could hear the smile that was softly stretched across his face.</p><p>“When did you get so sentimental Kenma? I didn’t even know you actually cared about this friendship.”</p><p>“Shut <em> up </em> you know I care. And if you keep teasing me every time I say something about it I’m just gonna act like I hate you for the rest of our lives.” Kuroo laughed, loud and bright, and Kenma felt his heart stutter. He shoved him, which only encouraged Kuroo.</p><p>“You’re so annoying,” Kenma said, turning his head to look down towards his best friend.</p><p>“I know.” Kuroo was looking up at Kenma smiling softly, and Kenma couldn’t help but return the look.</p><p>“Kenma,” Kuroo’s voice softened, and his expression turned sad, “I know things are gonna be different really soon. But I love you, and you know that I’ll always be here for you, that you’ll always be my best friend.” Kenma looked away, eye contact becoming overwhelming.</p><p>“I love you too,” he mumbled, feeling his heart ache. He longed to face Kuroo, look him in the eyes, and tell him what he really meant by that, longed to make him understand. But he knew it would do no good - it would just lead to heartbreak, along with a very uncomfortable and tearful rest of the night. He wondered if he’d ever be able to say it.</p><p>“You’re gonna come to dinner with us after graduation tomorrow, right?” Kuroo asked. Kenma had been invited to come out with Kuroo and his family to celebrate after the ceremony, which was taking place tomorrow evening.</p><p>“Of course,” Kenma said, “I wouldn’t miss it.”</p><p>_</p><p>
  <em> “We could be friends, but I’d be faking it.” </em>
</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Kenma stands in the doorway, watching Kuroo close the last box, pick it up, and finally, turn to look at him. The room isn’t completely empty of course, because Kuroo will be coming home for holidays, and breaks and such, but it feels almost uninhabited. All of the personal touches Kuroo had accumulated over the years are packed away in boxes in the back of Kuroo’s grandparents' car, leaving the room with the bare essentials. Looking at it made Kenma feel sick. He’d spent a lot of time in this room after he and Kuroo finally got past the stage where they both sat in silence and avoided eye contact anytime they saw each other. </p><p>“Well, this is the last one, I guess.” Kuroo broke the silence, sounding unsure. </p><p>“Yeah, I guess so.”</p><p>“We should bring it downstairs.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>They stayed. Standing there in Kuroo’s old bedroom, both finally realising what ‘leaving for university’ really meant. Kenma didn’t know he could be so emotionally attached to a bedroom that wasn’t his, but suddenly, seeing this almost-empty room, he could feel himself about to cry. And there was Kuroo, the last box in his arms, looking at Kenma like he couldn’t bear to leave him. And maybe he couldn’t, but he’d never say it. He knew it would just make it harder for him, harder for Kenma.</p><p>“I’m gonna miss you so much,” Kuroo’s voice cracked slightly as he forced himself to speak.</p><p>Kenma felt like his heart might break right there in Kuroo’s doorway. How is he even supposed to respond? His mind is yelling at him to tell him, that this would be the perfect opportunity, but he can’t. All Kenma can think about is how much he loves the boy standing in front of him, how everything is going to change. He can’t help but feel like he’s lying to Kuroo, by not telling him. Harboring these secret feelings, wishing, hoping, and longing for something he knows Kuroo doesn’t want. Of course, before Kenma was in love with him, Kuroo was his best friend. And that, no matter what, would never change. So Kenma shoves down everything inside him that’s screaming at him to just <em> say it </em>, and resigns himself to pretending.</p><p>“I’m gonna miss you too, Tetsu,” </p><p>As he opens his mouth, the tears finally fall, and now that they’ve started it doesn’t seem like they’re going to stop anytime soon. Through the tears, he sees Kuroo set down the last box, and come towards him. Strong arms wrap around him, and Kuroo’s chin is rested on top of his head while Kenma’s own arms immediately lift to circle Kuroo’s waist. He closes his eyes, savoring this moment, committing everything he can to memory. He’s not sure how long they stay there, both crying, avoiding going downstairs and putting that one last box into the trunk of the car, but it’s not long enough. </p><p>Eventually, they’ve both calmed down, and Kuroo gently lifts his arms from around Kenma and puts his hands on his shoulders. </p><p>“You’re gonna visit soon, right?”</p><p>“As soon as I can.”</p><p>_ </p><p><br/>
<em>“I’ve got a handful of you now, it slips away, I wanna shout. You left me for her, that is all I know.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em> _ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Kenma! How are you? How’s the team?</p><p>Kenma was on the phone with Kuroo for the first time in a while. Had it been a week? Two? He’d lost track. He understood, Kuroo was busy, and so was he. Sure, they still texted pretty much every day, but talking is better, and it’s hard to find a day when neither of them are too busy to call. Kenma didn’t like to admit it, but he missed Kuroo a lot. More than he’d tell him.</p><p>“I’m fine, just doing the same stuff as usual. The team is good. We had the practice match against Fukurodani last week.”</p><p>“Oh right! Who won? How’s Akaashi? Gosh, I haven’t talked to him in ages.”</p><p>“We won, barely. Akaashi is doing well, he’s a good captain. He misses Bokuto-san though. He won’t admit it, but I know he does.” The irony.</p><p>Kuroo snorts “Duh. Well Bokuto misses Akaashi just as much. Those two are ridiculous, I can’t believe how in love they are. And they won’t even admit it! Bokuto is getting pretty pathetic.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Kenma sighed. If only Kuroo knew how pathetic <em> he </em> was getting. “Anyways, how have you been doing? That big test was last week, right? How’d it go?”</p><p>Kuroo groaned “Kenmaaaa, I don’t even want to think about that test. That class is so stupid why did I even take it?”</p><p>Kenma rolled his eyes “Because you need it to graduate, Kuroo. And you <em> like </em>that class, it was the sports marketing one, right? Aren’t you doing super well in it? You probably got, like, a B or something.”</p><p>“A B <em> minus </em> Kenma!” His voice was muffled, which meant he’d probably shoved his face into his pillow. “What am I supposed to do with that?”</p><p>“Tetsu, you know that’s not bad, right?” Kenma said softly “You’re doing really well. Your first year is almost over, and you’re gonna have really good grades. I know you just want to do your best, and I’m sure you are.” He heard Kuroo sigh.</p><p>“I know. Thanks Kenma, it’s just so frustrating sometimes. I feel like I keep trying and trying, and what if it’s not good enough? When university is over... Then what?”</p><p>Kenma paused. He hadn’t realised Kuroo was really feeling this down about school, and it just made him wish even more that he could be there for him right now. Who does he talk to about this when Kenma is too busy to talk on the phone? It’s selfish, but he can’t help the small voice in the back of his head that hopes there isn’t some new person that Kuroo talks too when Kenma can’t. The bigger part of him just wants Kuroo to be happy, but the small part, that he keeps trying to push down, only wants him to be happy if he’s happy with <em> Kenma </em>.</p><p>“By then, I’m sure you’ll have an amazing job lined up. One that you’ll lo-”</p><p>There was knocking on Kuroo’s end. “Shit, hold on Kenma, one sec.” There was rustling as Kuroo pushed himself upright and got up to go open the door. “Oh, hey babe. What’s up, I thought we were leaving in, like, an hour?”</p><p>“Tetsurou,” a girl's voice comes in faintly over the speaker “It’s already 5:00, we’re supposed to be there in fifteen minutes.”<br/>
<br/>
“Fuck,” Kuroo swears under his breath. “Give me like two seconds, okay? I just have to get dressed. Come in, I’m so sorry.” Kenma hears a light kiss. He feels nauseous. </p><p>Suddenly, Kuroo’s voice is clear through his phone, “Kenma, I’m so sorry I have to get going, I didn’t mean-” Kenma swallows the lump in his throat, cutting him off. </p><p>“Don’t worry about it Kuroo. Have fun.” He ends the call.</p><p>He knows it’s petty, but he can’t stand to be on the phone listening to Kuroo apologize for another second. His eyes are burning, and he thinks he might throw up. This was the first time he got to call Kuroo in weeks, and it lasted what, five minutes? He checks the time on the call. Seven minutes and twenty-three seconds. And for what? Some girl who Kuroo’s never even mentioned? Who’s name Kenma doesn’t even know?</p><p>He throws himself onto his bed, trying his hardest not to cry. What is there to cry over, anyways? He’s always known that Kuroo is straight, always dealt with it before. His phone buzzes, and he checks the message with a disgusting amount of speed. </p><p>
  <b> <em>From: Kuroo</em></b>
</p><p>
  <em>kenma, i’m really sorry. can i call you tomorrow night?</em>
</p><p>Kenma throws his phone across the room, wincing when he hears it smack the wall. Hopefully it’s not broken. He wants to scream. This is so <em> unfair. </em>Why did their lives play out like this? Why couldn’t they have been born in the same year? They could’ve had six years of middle school and high school together instead of forcing Kenma to endure one of each without him. Forcing Kenma to live two hours away from him. Forcing Kuroo to move on. If only they’d been born the same age, Kenma could have gone to school with him and nothing would have changed, they probably would have moved in together. </p><p>Kenma layed there, imagining what their lives could have been. He rolled over, staring at the stars that Kuroo had helped him stick on the ceiling when he was nine. He finally let himself cry, the tears rolling off his face and onto his sheets. </p><p><em> And Kuroo thought </em> Bokuto <em> was getting pathetic. </em> He thought. <em> Wait till he sees this.  </em></p><p>_</p><p>
  <em> “Fuck it all, I love you.” </em>
</p><p>-<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>It’s winter.</p><p>New Years was coming up and this year, along with all the joy and excitement, the holidays had brought Kuroo home. Kenma had tried to hide just how happy he was when he’d seen Kuroo the day he got back, but he’s sure he did a pretty bad job. Anyone else might’ve seen him and considered him rather apathetic about the situation, but Kuroo knew better. He always did when it came to Kenma. </p><p>Right now, they’re in Kenma’s room, pretending nothing had ever changed. Kenma is playing a video game, the hood from his sweatshirt synched tight around his face, and Kuroo’s head is on his shoulder, watching, and providing an excessive amount of commentary. Kenma dies in the game. </p><p>“HA! You suck.”</p><p>“No I don’t.”</p><p>“You kinda do,”</p><p>“When are you going back to school?” Kuroo sticks his tongue out, making an ugly face. Kenma almost wishes he hadn’t said it, hadn’t reminded them that things had, in fact, actually changed. </p><p>“You’re coming to school with me next year, right?”</p><p>Kenma had recently gotten the news that he’d passed the entrance exam for the same school that Kuroo goes to. He’d taken exams for multiple schools of course, but part of him desperately wanted to follow Kuroo wherever he ended up. The other part of him knew he shouldn’t pick a university based on the fact that Kuroo goes there. </p><p>“I’m not really sure yet,” Kenma said, starting the level over from the beginning. This conversation would be easier if he didn’t have to look at Kuroo.</p><p>“Kenmaaaa,” Kuroo whined, “Why not?”</p><p>“I got into other schools too, you know.” Kenma can practically hear him rolling his eyes.</p><p>“I <em> know </em> that dumbass, but I still think you should go there. And not just for me!” Now it’s Kenmas turn to roll his eyes. “You want to study business right? You know their program is great, that’s the whole reason I went there.”</p><p>“I know that Kuroo,”</p><p>“So what’s the issue? Sounds like the best choice school-wise is also coincidentally the best choice best friend-wise!”</p><p>“You’re so stupid.” </p><p>Kenma sighed, thinking about his choices for next year. Kuroo wasn’t wrong, there was an excellent business program that Kuroo himself was enrolled in, but is it the right choice? He had received some scholarship money from them, which made it all the more enticing. Maybe he should just let himself pick the school, let himself pick Kuroo. After all, if the school was the best for him academically, shouldn’t the fact that Kuroo already goes there just be a bonus? Why should he stop himself from picking the place that would make him happiest?</p><p>“Maybe I will,” He mumbled, still pretending to be hyper-focused on his game.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Maybe I will go there,” Kenms says. “With you.”</p><p>Kuroo gasps. “Kenma! Oh this is so exciting. He sits up, jostling Kenma, causing him to lose focus and die <em> again. </em>He groans “Kuroo, wh-”</p><p>“This is gonna be so great I can show you around and take you to all your classes and introduce you to all my friends a-”</p><p>“Kuroo, you’ve already done that.” Kenma says, looking up at him from where he still lays on the bed. “I literally visited two months ago. I met almost all of your friends, and you dragged me around the entire campus.”</p><p>Kuroo huffs, “Well why even visit if you didn’t want to see the school.”</p><p>“Because I wanted to see you, duh,” He rolls his eyes, sitting up. He takes off his hood and sets aside his game. Leaning back against the wall, he sees Kuroo’s face smirking back at him. His eyes roll even further.<br/>
<br/>
“Kenma! I knew you missed me!” What an ass.</p><p>“As if you didn’t miss me more than I missed you.” A lie. He wondered if Kuroo knew that it was. Kuroo reached out to ruffle Kenmas recently uncovered hair, causing his face to contort into a look of disgust.”</p><p>“What are you <em> doing </em>,” He groans, shoving Kuroo’s arm away from him as he laughed at his misery.</p><p>“Kenma, I can’t wait for us to move in together, it’s gonna be so great.” He flops back down on the bed, smiling, and Kenma pauses. </p><p>Move in with Kuroo? Should he? He remembers it being something he’d wanted, but now he wasn’t so sure.He hadn’t even considered that Kuroo would expect them to live together. Maybe if things were different. It might be too painful, to be living with him, sharing a life with him, <em> almost </em> in the way he wanted. He remembers that phone call from months ago, and feels his throat start to close up. He could barely stand to listen to that girl's voice as she came to get Kuroo, what would he do when she showed up outside of <em> their </em> apartment? What would he do when Kuroo decides to move out to live with her instead? </p><p>He feels his breathing start to come quicker, but he can’t stop it. He tries counting, tries focusing on his breathing the way he’s been told will help calm him down, but nothing seems to work. He pulls on his hoodie string and thinks what would he do when Kuroo leaves him? It would be better never to have him at all, if it wasn’t going to be right. If he was going to have to watch Kuroo walk out their front door hand in hand with some girl who’s name he <em> still didn’t know. </em></p><p>“Kenma? Shit,” Kuroo mutters under his breath, sitting up and moving to sit in front of him. Evidently he hadn’t been very quiet about his spiraling. Kuroo gently takes his hands and looks straight at him.</p><p>“Kenma, look at me okay? Is that alright?” Kenma nods, and takes a few shuddering breaths before lifting his head to meet Kuroo’s eyes. </p><p>“Try to match my breathing.” Kenma closes his eyes and tries to focus on the sound of Kuroo breathing in, and out, in, and out. He feels Kuroo pull one of his hands forward to rest on his chest, and slowly, his breathing starts to even out. He feels more secure, even if he still doesn’t know what to do about Kuroo. </p><p>“Are you feeling a bit better?” Kuroo asked softly. He nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?” He shook his head. Then nodded again. Then shook his head. “You don’t have to, Kenma, it’s okay.” Kenma opened his eyes, looking back at Kuroo once again, and when he spoke his voice was soft. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” he began “I just don’t know how.”</p><p>Kuroo looked concerned “Well we can figure it out, if you want to. Is it about next year? About school?” Once again, Kenma nodded in reply. “Is it about what I said about moving in together?” Kenma hesitated before nodding. </p><p>“It’s not that I <em> don’t </em> want to live with you because I <em> do, </em> but I just...” Kenma paused to take a breath before finishing lamely “I don’t know.”</p><p>“Oh,” Kuroo opens his mouth to say something, and stops himself before beginning again. “Well, um, we can figure it out, okay? We don’t have to do that.” Kenma sees that hurt that Kuroo can’t hide on his face, and immediately is wracked with guilt. Here’s Kuroo, clearly upset, and his first instinct is still to do whatever he can to make <em>Kenma</em> comfortable.<br/>
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“Kuroo <em>no,</em> that’s not what I’m saying, I’m-” Kenma groans and puts his head in his hands. “I do want to live with you, I just... I think it would <em>hurt</em>.” Kenma lets his voice trail off, feeling his eyes start to burn.</p><p>“<em> Hurt, </em> I-  Kenma, I don’t ever want to hurt you, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know, just tell me what I can do to fix it and I swear I will-” His voice comes out rushed, and slightly too loud, clearly panicking.</p><p>“It’s not your fault. Well, I guess it is technically but Kuroo you’re not doing anything to me, okay? Don’t worry about it.” Kenma lifts his head to look at Kuroo, and immediately wishes he hadn’t. He’s clearly upset him, which is <em> not </em> what he wanted. Kuroo would only be home for another week, and Kenma’s wasting the little time he has with him making him miserable. The tears that he’d been holding back finally start to well up, only increasing Kuroo’s distress.</p><p>“Kenma, you’re <em> crying </em> and you’re telling me not to worry? I just- Kenma, I don’t want to  be what’s upsetting you. If you just tell me, I can stop whatever it is, I promise, no matter what it is. Please, Kenma.”</p><p>Kenma sniffs and leans forward so his head rests on Kuroo’s shoulder, trying to calm down. He’s clearly said too much. But if he stops talking now, Kuroo is gonna make himself sick worrying about everything he does around Kenma, and that’s the last thing he would want. He sighs, before saying “I love you, Kuroo.”</p><p>“Kenma,” he replies, voice soft, comforting, “I know. I know, I love you too.”</p><p>“<em> No, </em> you don’t understand, I-” He forces himself to sit up, and look at Kuroo. “I-I <em> love </em> you Kuroo, okay?” He’s desperate now, desperate for him to understand, and desperate for this to just be <em> over. </em> “I’m <em> in love </em> with you.”</p><p>“<em>Oh,” </em>Kuroo’s eyes are wide, his voice airy. </p><p>“I have been for years. That’s why I said it would hurt, not because you did anything to upset me. Look, we don’t have to talk about it, alright? Ugh, I shouldn’t have said anything, I just didn’t want you to be upset.” He sniffs and turns away, wiping at his eyes aggressively but Kuroo catches his hand.</p><p>“<em>K</em><em>enma,” </em> He says urgently, “We <em> do </em> have to talk about it, I- <em> Kenma,” </em></p><p>“What? No we don’t, just drop it okay?” He goes to stand up, he needs to get out of this room. It’s too small, he feels like he might suffocate.</p><p>“I love you too, Kenma.” Kuroo’s grinning from where he still sits on the bed, and Kenma is moving past annoyed, into pissed off. </p><p>“Kuroo, I know okay? Look, I need to go get some air or something. I’ll see you later.”</p><p>Kuroo stands up, moving quickly between Kenma and the door. His height, which usually made Kenma feel protected, now acted as a barrier, making him feel trapped, closed in. </p><p>“Kenma, I’m in love with you too.” He’s still smiling, smiling so wide that his cheeks must be hurting. “I’ve been in love with you since I was like, twelve, Kenma.” </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Well, maybe I wasn’t <em> in love </em> with you when I was twelve, but I’ve definitely wanted to kiss you since then. I’ve been in love with you since I was... sixteen?” </p><p>“Oh. <em> Oh, </em>Kuroo I- oh.” He stood there for a few moments, in shock, before surging forward and wrapping his arms tightly around Kuroo’s waist. Kuroo’s arms immediately come up to hold him, and he feels his head rest lightly on top of his.Thoroughly overwhelmed, Kenma buries his face in Kuroo’s chest and finally begins to truly cry. Kuroo held him, murmuring comforting words until he finally felt himself relax, and his tears stopped. Kuroo slowly moved, kissing the top of Kenma’s head before pulling slightly away. </p><p>“Are you alright?”</p><p>“I think so,”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>Kenma sighed, looking up at Kuroo with his eyes red and puffy, and his arms still holding onto his middle. “I’m sorry Kuroo,” he said, embarrassed, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”</p><p>“It’s okay Kenma, it all worked out in the end. I’m sorry for upsetting you for so long.”</p><p>“Well, like you said, it all worked out in the end.” Kuroo gently removed Kenma’s arms from around him, and led him back over to his bed. They both laid down, looking at each other. </p><p>“Kuroo?” His voice is quiet now, not wanting to disturb the peaceful silence they’ve lapsed into. </p><p>“Yeah?”<br/>
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“What about that girl? The one you went out with a few months ago. I thought you were still dating her.” Kuroo looked confused. “What girl?” </p><p>“Kuroo, we were on the phone and she came by to pick you up. You called her ‘babe’ and I heard you kiss her,” Kenma’s nose wrinkles in disgust at the memory of overhearing the exchange. Kuroo snickers as he reaches out to smooth out the crease between his eyebrows, and says “We only ever went on a couple dates, it wasn’t anything serious. I was too busy trying to distract myself from being in love with my best friend to be in any kind of serious relationship,” Kuroo sighed “I think she was annoyed by how much I talked about you actually.”</p><p>“Oh,” Kenma says, surprised. “You talked about me to her?” </p><p>Kuroo snorts “Oh yeah, she was totally getting fed up,” He laughs, remembering “Anything she said to me I’d go ‘oh yeah one time kenma,’ or ‘once me and kenma did,’ or whatever. Drove her nuts.”</p><p>Kenma reaches out to smack him “Kuroo, that’s so bad, I bet she was upset.”</p><p>“Oh shut up, she was fine. We talked about it or whatever.” Kenma rolls his eyes “Well fine I guess.”</p><p>Kuroo reaches out, and gently tucks a stray piece of hair behind Kenma’s ear. “Did you think about that a lot? That time on the phone, I mean.” Kenma nods, and leans into Kuroo’s touch, now combing his fingers through his hair. </p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“There’s nothing to apologize for Kuroo. We’re together now.”</p><p>“Yeah, we are.” A smile takes over Kuroo’s face, one he can’t help but return. </p><p>“What now?” Kuroo asks. Kenma reaches towards Kuroo, intertwining their fingers. “Now, I’m gonna kiss you. If that’s okay.” He feels his face heat up slightly, but it’s nothing compared to the red that suddenly covers Kuroo’s face. “Umm, yeah. Okay.” Kenma laughs quietly and slowly, finally, leans forward, closing his eyes, and gently places his lips on Kuroo’s. He pulls back for a moment, to peek at Kuroo, who was fighting off a smile, eyes still closed. </p><p>He leans back in.</p><p><br/>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if you see a mistake no you didn't &lt;3</p><p>but actually i would love to hear what you guys think, so totally leave a comment if you want to. i hope you guys liked it :)</p><p>lmk if you listen to the song and how you liked it!</p><p>follow me (and a few of my friends) on twitter @kghnbrothers, and my tumblr @jess-aca if you want! (warning, the twitter acc is batshit crazy)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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